Meeting at five and twenty past

Wossaname, that ‘you-know’ thing

Back when the number 50 used to run

Does it still run?

And Eileen had her legs, and good legs they were

Back when Crystal Palace was something

The doings.... the dinosaurs

I know, and Horse Guards Parade was a day out

The Cenotaph; that would make ‘em smile

And that Imperial War museum

I held their hands then

Before they got so big

Yes, and ‘hello matey’ meant something

And everywhere, yes everywhere, was always close

Always close to St. Leonards

Not the 'When I grow rich' one

That's another story

And that purple shirt, makes me laugh

He never bought me that purple shirt

Did I leave the gas on?

I always preferred tea

From the pot, poured properly

You know what I mean

With a newspaper

Not this stuff

On a stool

In the window of Pret a Manger

It just not right you know

I know

The Sphere

Once I was asked by a man, affectionately known as 'The Bear' whether I wanted to hold the most spherical object in the world. What could I say? Of course, I thought, who wouldn't?

I had to face him, as he was completely deaf. I said yes. This great hulk of a man reached into a transparent box and removed a sphere, a wonderful, shiny, glass sphere. He placed it in my hands.

I stood there, as motionless as I could. This was a truly spherical object, in fact it was the most spherical object in the world. Only, it wasn't a sphere. The Bear had an instrument that could measure the tiny element of asymmetry caused by the gravitational pull of the earth. So there I was, standing on a hillside in Wales with the most spherical object in the world, only it wasn't a sphere.

I learned an important lesson that day. You can be the most honest person in the world but that doesn't mean that you are entirely honest.

This, of course, is the truth.

I nearly held a perfect sphere.